Create Your Own!

Do you know You?

Seriously. Do you?

I am helpless here. Everyone said of course. I told myself, many times- that I knew better. But that wisp of confidence has made its U-turn, left me high and dry, hoping to catch a glimpse of certainty again.

Now everyone seemed to understand me better than myself. I could trust my judgement- no more. It is frightening. And so sickening. I can’t stand the Silence berating me like a child.

Stop it. I don’t want to think. Don’t want to reflect. Don’t want to keep seeking answers in places that I don’t even know how to go there.

Maybe I should take the chance to tell you what I truly want.

Wait a minute. Let me search deep. I might get an insight or two.

Or None.

Crashed and blessed

I slept through it... a long deep, sound sleep. Only to be woken by a concerned phone call.

Caught Oprah’s show with my breakfast cum lunch and found that the topic of the day coincided weirdly with my state of mind: ‘How to deal with feelings caused by trauma’

It is said that when you are not in tuned with your feelings after a terrible happening, obsessive habits like over-eating or over-spending might developed, in an attempt to soothe yourself. And the cure is to connect with your deepest inner feelings and recognise it... starting with the magic words of ‘I feel…’

Here am I .. giving it a go.. Before I became obsessed with sleep.

I feel guilty for causing the car accident which has created a domino effect of damages and consequences that followed.

I feel sickening awful for putting Roomie through such ordeal. For causing her headaches and the inconveniences.

I feel damn angry with myself. For all that have happened.

I feel worried. The impact of the crash has hurt my back, which worsened the next day. Can feel the pain spreading slowly to my neck and lower spine. Will it affect me in future?

But….
I also feel blessed that this accident has taught me a lesson with no claim of life or bodily harm to others. The damages caused, hopefully, can be solved with money.

I feel fortunate to know that in times of needs, there are people who truly care and support me- even it means extending their hard-earned savings out to help.

Phews…

Well, I guess this little exercise does helps. Now I have faced the reality, I should be able to go through it- head-on. Although it did not erase the torturing replays of the accident in my mind, I have recognised that it had happened and that, it could not be undone.

But really, I should be counting the blessings as worse consequences that might have occurred.
And again, I feel truly thankful that Roomie is fine. If not, I will be stricken with guilt for the rest of my life.