Fear & Fun

Would like to thank you guys for showing concern for me when I was sick. : ) I’m all well, alive and kicking now..
A friend called me right after he read my blog, reacting like I have contacted a terminal disease. Only after much assurance, he was then convinced that I am not going to die any moment soon. Perhaps the post “delirious rambling” was a tad too dramatic…. Talking about wanting to die.. Well, can’t blame a sick cat that thinks nothing but the pains right?

Just like last night at Balaclava. I was almost a nervous wreck running the show last night. My 1st project with Mercury…. And my own expectation of performance was killing me. Everything seem to go wrong, pessimistic thoughts kept wafting in….

Before the show start, I went to washroom to touch up and have a moment of self-reflection. The truth dawned upon me ~ I was actually afraid.
Fear of failure. Fear of losing trust. Fear of realization that how incompetent I am.
Fear may make you fret and panic but it is also a force to advocate actions or procrastinate.
Somehow, realizing what’s actually making my hands tremble, made me calmer. I looked hard at myself in the mirror and smiled to soften the frowns on my face.

Let’s get the party started!

In the end, Celebs like Pierre Png, Andrea De Cruz, Annabell Francis, Melody Chen, Timmy Nga and many more graced the show. The props turned out marvelous. Problem of gate crashers solved.. Everyone have fun so do I… haha…Especially with that little special attention from a waiter there (kept me well-fed with food and drinks)… and I met someone who made me go gaga over… He resembles someone special… same mannerism… same charisma… keeping my fingers crossed that he isn’t gay… (I seriously think gays are over-populating… They are everywhere, disguised or not!)
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Tuesday- was helping out at the SIA PPS Gala dinner. It was a real eye-opener for me!
Beautiful set-up of the ballroom (Backdrop in form of a plane with real door and lit lights from the cabin window; catwalk in form of plane runway)
Kit Chan performed for that night and it’s marvelous
1st time watching a fashion show on catwalk ~ uber cool! I have make a mental note to go backstage next time to witness the chaotic situation of changing models’ clothes.
Was in models’ changing room after the dinner - where racks of designers’ clothes and heaps of accessories for the fashion show were left in. Haha.. I got so busy and happy trying and posing with the gorgeous bags and accessories!!

A Women’s Paradise!

Fix me

So it’s Sunday...
Since yesterday, you’ll see me slogging over the computer, trying to finish a PowerPoint presentation for tomorrow with a nagging headache. (Quite used to that pain now.. it’s there- the first to greet me every morning)
Never thought that having PowerPoint and Photoshop skills are essential in my job. Think Wenting will be very proficient with them (she’s in charge of all our school projects’ PowerPoint and she did a few WCP projects with Photoshop) And now, I’m spending ages experimenting with the damned applications.

So work isn’t that smooth…
Beside the fact that perfect colleague/s is/are leaving, being bemused about your job scope and trying hard to take in as much new things as possible- aren't as easy as I thought.
For a start, I am a Brands-idiot (Be it Car, Fashion or Watch), a moron with business news and have zero knowledge/ creativity when come to fashion show productions (after all, I’m more of an Amazing Race ‘planner’)…
Trying to learn everything by myself- are not easy. It doesn’t help when the company is on a hectic pace with those back-to-back events/shows for the past month. Everyone is moving fast and I am the only one in slow motion… Interrupting their hectic pace to clear my questions seem to be selfish and irritating~ although my colleagues are always more than happy to help.

And with the flu bug plaguing me for the past days, it’s been a real struggle to get by each day. I started to yearn badly for someone by my side… to fight the blues with me.. Gosh… Can get real emotional and teary easily these days….
But I’m fighting to hold my emotions down… Cos this moment of vulnerability is luring me to make hasty decisions…
I’ll be holding the fort bravely… I know that I’ll get by the tough and uncertain ‘apprentice’ days… Soon I’ll be master of the trade.
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By the way, I finally drove an Auto car after 2 years of obtaining my Driving license (Dad owns a Manual car) last Thursday.
I can drive… really….
Just that I don’t know how to unlock the steering wheel, can’t move the gear box and can’t find the button to move my side mirrors back to visibility…. almost…. (I managed to get the car roaring to life with trials and errors)
Bloody hell….. It took me 6 min just to move out of the parking lot and Ally, my passenger aka colleague was amused by my antics, yet feared for her life…
Nevertheless this brave woman still managed to sit in my car calmly (with a watchful eye).And this is the same woman who can, in case of emergency/ rushing for time, run barefooted about public areas eg: a shopping mall…. What a gal!

Delirious Rambling

Maybe I am better off dead now...This has been a constant thought on my mind for the past few days..
Hold it. Before you came barging into my house with that holy rescue mission, please bring a couple of my favourite egg tarts and a few entertaining DVDs for me.

I am sick~for the past 1 week and I hate being sick with all my guts.

It had covered me with self-pity and pain. I cried like a baby last night as all I can feel were terrible headaches and throbbing soreness all over my body. I have little strength to pull myself out of bed and turning my body to a side, required painstaking effort and a hot stream of tears.

Well, I have only myself to blame~ I have been refusing to see a doctor, thinking that I will heal 'naturally' soon. Now Doc reprimanded me that I should consult him sooner; for now, I will take about 1 month to fully recover. Damned...

I don't know if you feel the same way I do about illness. . Guiltiness always set in heavily when I am down with a bug. I am supposed to meet up with a few friends that I haven't seen for a long time over the weekend but was too weak to go out.. There's an event to execute today~ yet I am resting at home with a MC. I felt bad for it all- why can't I took good care of myself to prevent all these?

Last night, Mom had to give me a 'Gua San' (a traditional, painful chinese treatment , using a saucer to scrub the patient's back till it turned ruby red...said to release body heatiness), Az spent half an hour hearing that tearful ranting about my condition over the phone and poor Vodka had been dragged to my bedside for company the whole night....

Now I can comprehend why most of critically-ill patients can feel suicidal..The mental torture of guilt, being vulnerable and useless can be more overpowering than the physical pain itself. It can drive you to such negativity that you wish for non-existence.

Wise words from the Flu bug..
You may think of yourself as the most unfortunate or miserable person in the world. But you still have time; you are still in the game of life... Cos you are still in the pink of health to change your destiny to the way you want it to be.

Indulge yourself in vices like smoking or taking drugs for the sake of short momentums of pleasures... But is it worth spending wretched life in the hospital bed and watch your loved ones agonized over you?

Buffet Battle

Challenger F1: Ashley Ko
Prep work: Very light lunch and walked around 1/2 of Spore
Challenger M1: Ethan Lee
Prep work: Skip Lunch and went to gym

Challenger M2: Gerald Lee
Prep work: Skip last night's dinner, actual day's breakfast and lunch......

The Battle at the line begins....

A: Eat with grace, boyz... We in 5 star hotel leh
G: Grace your head! WE ARE SITTING RIGHT INFRONT OF THE CHOCOLATE FOUNTAIN!!! MUAhahaahaa!!! EAT! CHOC, Here I comeeee!!!
E: Grace? Oh.. I better say my prayers for those poor animals that lost their lives for us tonight....


The food was not good at all.. really lah....
The Line'05 Buffet EndureR Award goes to ...
Who can afford to have another go of strawberries in chocolate after numerous rounds to the buffet line.

Nevertheless... we are all winners of perfectly round tummies and happy times... Cheerios!

Irksome and Lovely

Flip.. Flip..
Stare! Stare!
Flip.. Flip.. Move closer..
Stare!

I wish I can dug out his eyes. Apparently my glaring didnt send the message- Fuck off- across well. Pervert. Moved to the Women's magazine section. After a few minutes, he proceeded to stand beside me, flipping Cleo mindlessly

Flip.. Flip..
Stare! Stare!
Whoever said that you can meet Mr Right in Bookstores, is so full of crap..
This sicko uncle had been eyeing me ever since I was doing my research in Kinokuniya's Magazine section. He proceeded to trail after me when I left the store. Panic.. I practically ran into Hugo Boss Boutique to seek for help from Gerald. He walked briskly out of the Boutique and give the perimeter a quick scan... A little while later, he turned around, nodded his head towards a direction and asked:"Is that the one?"
Before I can reply - No, Gerald mumbled :"Sorry. He is too big size for me. I can't win him in a fight..." and headed back to Boss..
Hahaha.. Bloody idiot.... He's always like to pull a fast joke, regardless of situations...

Luckily, I have a dinner appointment with Gerald and Ethan at The Line, Shangri La to look forward to that evening.....

The Foi Gras with onion chutney is heavenly.. That sweet chutney compliments well with the creamy, warm goose liver; served on a crispy crouton..
The prawns and lobsters are sweetly fresh; taste fantastic on their own.. No sauce needed ~Tabasco/chilli sauce/lemon juice will spoil the taste, if you ask me.
DESSERT corner.... (where we were seated right infront of) *Divine!*

However, comparing Singapore's two latest, hottest hotel buffet establishments, Grand Hyatt's The Straits Kitchen and Shangri's The Line, my personal bet is on The Straits Kitchen.
Mainly cos of
a) Its cosy and hip decor (The Line may be stylish but its ambience doesn't seem to encourage Bon Appetti!)
b) Food are served in their rightful temperature, (The Line's Yangzhou fried rice and meat dishes were slightly cold)
c) The slightly more reasonable price (The Line can cost you $80nett, where Straits Kitchen- $60nett).
d) The buffet line is more extended over at Straits Kitchen than The Line (I totally skipped the Indian section at the Line; it's just not appealing at all).

BUT.... you have a sweet tooth, The Line is where you can indulge happily in piling up your calories without much guilt.. cos the rich chocolate fondue with strawberries and marshmallows, sweet array of cakes, crèmes and the wonderful brown pancakes justify the reason for that extra kilos you putting on..

Anyway, Life's boring without glorious Food.

So.... Dig in!
(Pictures of The Line coming soon..)

Lynn, This is for you

Hurhurhurhurhur...

That's Ethan's last message for me via MSN.. He had left for Bangkok on Thurs. Wanted to drag him down to Liquid Room for that Beat Boxing Competition tonight but don't think anyone else will be interested. Boohoooo....

My dear wormy Lynn. What you don't believe in.... DOES EXIST! Stop viewing guys with those lusty eyes... I do believe in Platonic friendships with the opposite sex. Don't understand why this topic always arise when we are out together. Stop asking me whether I will ever consider to be with Ethan. Cos my replies will be the same.. NO! It'll be like committing a near-incestuous sin!

Well, people... I must really stress on a very important point, once and for all. Ethan is my friend of more than 10 years... Used to dislike him in the past but Fate has its twist and turn... we are now a pair of close friends with each other's secrets etched in minds and dreams made together.. But there's never a physical attraction nor chemistry of that sort between us.

Was out with Isaac last night. He asked me the same question... -_-"
It led me to ponder~ Isaac is a guy with tonnes of girl buddies and he's asking me this QUESTION?
Then a shocking revelation of his confused my ideology further...
It got me thinking..
Am I the only person who believe in such pure friendship?

Humans always crave for a steady and familiar companionship, no matter if they are eccentric loners, social butterflies or a flamboyant gay . We need someone to be there for us and when we found the person who we are so comfortable and delighted to be with..
We want to keep that person with us for long (or only till entertainment value expiry date....) by falling in love...
Is uniting in the name of love, a good solution? I have fallen in love with friends before... Jimmy. From good friends. we became lovers, now strangers. Az, my soulmate, now just an acquaintance....

I am cheerless at the loss. The people who I've really care deeply about, have gone on their own ways without me. All because we tried to embark on the journey of love and failed to iron out that quest's perils.

Skeptical now.. I've learnt my lesson. Friendships and Romance are two different entities.

Lynn, if you really enjoy that friendship with a guy.. don't tarnish it with supposed grand notion of romance. Unless you are very sure that he is the one and are much prepared to forgo that carefree friendship you guys sharing right now, by all means.. go for it. But right now.. I think twice or even 10 times about heading into a relationship with a friend I treasured alot.

Oh! Lynn! I can't stop repeating myself.. how glad am I to have you in my life.. How lucky that on 1st day of school, I just happened to be seated beside you and you said hi.. And it sealed our fate as friends. I wish that we stay close as ever.. and crazy.. and lame too! haha.. (Well, I miss Janice too.. If you recalled who is that... sigh... Maybe friendship also do have their expiry date ba... )

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Today, I have an exhausting yet very much enjoyable day at Sentosa with my cousins.

Sung a Birthday song for Noel, played all kinds of Ball games & tried all kinds of poses for photos

Watched a Beautiful Sunset and bid a solemn Farewell to this beautiful day with sunny memories..

Mating Season

VIOLATED... OUTRAGED......
I felt so disgusted. I can't believe this is happening.... in the broad daylight..
I was tricked.......... into touching Vodka's ......*ahem*!
It's the mating season for my precious Dog, Vodka... and she had been whining for the past 3 days to get someone or ANYONE to touch her *ahem*...
HORNY and DESPERATE this morning, she resorted to park her black butt, few inches from my face, while I was sleeping.. and woke me up with her frantic whimpers.
Woke up, dazed... with half-open eyes.
Thought I saw a face.. looking intensely at me.. Reached out and touched the 'face'...
It was wet and slimy..
Eyes wide open
It's leaking... and trembling..
Shit.. Vodka, out of eagerness for touch, tried to sit on my face....
That horrible, musky smell seems to linger around me for the whole day....
I hate her

I can soomba... that she is the first dog that understands what "Pi Gu" (buttock) means.. and she will get very excited once she hears it.. will come after you with those pleading eyes....

Can't really blame her huh? After all, she's a virgin with animal instincts. However because of her, I often get harassed by male dogs.. (cos of her "sexy" scent ba)
Take for instance, at Ms Michelle Santiago's house.. for record, her little white dog have climbed up my leg and happily jerking away twice. And I was thinking... Hmm.. nice friendly doggy..wa.. really like to play with me ah...
When I realised that something was not right... Mich's mom who saw what's happening, quickly yanked the dog away. I was stunned... speechless..
Oh...Or that time at Mr George Ong's Housewarming Party. His huge black dog literally jump onto me for 4 times. For first time in my life, I was terrified of a dog, a superbly high sex drive beast.. to be exact...
Good grief...

Love paradox

Made a couple of new friends.. They were all gays, without a doubt.
Sipping my Screwdriver in MOX, I was preoccupied with lapping up the sights of God's unique creations... Men with great bods and dashing good looks that have little or no urge to procreate.
They were all out looking for love, intmacy and thrill..

As I listened to a friend's woes on his uncertainties about love... I couldn't help but wonder.....
Why do we seek love tirelessly?

Despite the fact, it can send you down to living of hell when the game is over. It crushes and scars your heart forever; making a dent in your life that nothing can help to ease the pain and memories...

Do we really need love?
From young, we were taught to crave for love and affection. We knew that if we behave ourselves, Mummy would buy sweets for us. Daddy would pat on our little heads and smile warmly. We felt great. We felt loved.
We've gotten so used to being loved and cared for. Hungering for more, we modify our behaviours, trying to adapt any way that people will want to see in us.
(Where is self-worth?)
When there's no acceptance or reciprocation, the sky turns grey and cold.... Life seems cruel and depressing. The most desperate cases might ended up in self-inflicted pain or death.
(Is love supposed to give pleasure or pain?)
Love instigates jealousy, hatred and mistrust among humankind...
(It seems like a terrible disease huh?)

I question the rationale of all.... A job promotion can only kept you thrilled for a week.. but a rejection from a lover can torment you for months.. even years.

Do we exist just for love? That's the greatest reason of all? Do we work hard to earn money, gain status and prestige for the sake of love and recognition? Somehow.. it doesn't sound right...

Living well, with no regrets should be key to Existence

I'm not a hermit.. not that I don't desire adoration.
I do..
Actually........... Very much...
To be frank, I live for it.
At times, this kinda mentality sit well with my life.. but messed up it as well.
Arrgghhh.... I hate to be at the mercy of someone else, other than fate...
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
She stood at the door, looking through the misty windows
He was smiling, like an angel
That was a rare moment
It looks as if he was truly happy now
Hesitation and doubts caved in
If she walked in
Can she hold back her feelings well
If he saw her
Will he be too conscious to enjoy himself
She turned and left
Maybe it's best not to see him at all
She will forget him sooner
Maybe it's best to leave things unsaid
No sense in making him feeling guilty
She understood in a hard way
That it's impossible between the two of them

Every precious Moment

His body was rigid... He grasped... clenched his jaws... kept chanting feverishly...
OMG OMG OMG....
I thought he gonna have a seizure àny time soon...
That's Ben... watching Red Eye with me, both of us at the mercy of building suspense as the movie built up to its climax...
But watching Ben's varied expressions was equally entertaining.... Hahaha... I think fellow movie goners behind us tempted to throw their popcorn on our heads for being so distracting...

Gosh.. Gonna miss watching movies with Ben as he gonna embarks on a journey to far, far East on a quest to perfect his marching, boots polishing and slacking abilities..
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Yesterday

Was walking alone in Marina Square; after a meeting at Suntec. Decided to do some shopping before meeting up with Gerald and Ethan at 9plus.
Realised that I did not really enjoy shopping alone... The heavy dull of loneliness set deeply in my heart.. weighing it down, making the walk a tiring one. I gave up shopping and went for early dinner..
And I saw my dearest cousin, Noel from far... she's like a knight in shining amour, here, to rescue me from lonesome dining...
She was with Yang Ai, her friend whom I didnt seen for a long time.. I think it's since that fateful night...

Flashback to the 1995....
Walking in Seiyu, Bugis Junction with Noel and Yang Ai.

A rude interruption...
"Stare at me for what?! Not happy ah!"
Noel's eyes widen in bewildered fear... we were surrounded by a pack of heavily make-up, indecently dressed scums of the society.
"Stare? Stare somemore?! Want to fight?!" The leader of the pack raised her finger to poke Noel's shoulder blade. Noel tried to explain herself that she wasn't even looking at them...
But of course.. those rotting souls ain't here for clarification, neither for friendship..
They were hungry for fights, for blood, for conquests.

Infuriated, I stepped in front of Noel, demanding: "What you want? Don't pick trouble here!" and tried my best to give the meanest look i have.
"This is none of your business. Who you think you are? Where you play one?! "
"She's my cousin. So she's my business. Don't even try to bully her. Don't be so childish and do this kinda thing. Let's go. Don't bother about them!"

I grabbed Noel's and Yang Ai's hands and turned to leave, when I felt a sharp pain in my back.
One of the bitches had use her umbrella and jabbed me hard.
I swung around and attempted to seize the offending weapon but she's quicker than me.
Then, like a flash, the leader snatched my Ferragamo hairband (Worth $109 nett) from my head and ran.
The pack followed her closely, one of them bellowed:
"Come outside to get it. IF YOU DARE!"

I was panting hard, with rage and fear. I never fought before. I knew that the moment I was out, there's no turning back. But pride and humiliation got hold over me. I started to run after... but I was pulled back by a visibily shaken Noel.
"QIAOHUI! DON'T GO!! Please.. "
At that moment, Noel's firm grip on my hand soften my rash impulse. It felt like a protection. from all evils that's to come..
In the end, I did not go... And my only way of seeking revenge for 1 year that followed, was wrathfully cursing the scums....
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Now, look at us.. Young and fine ladies...

Glad that Noel is always there for me... She kept me out of mischief and troubles numerous of times..
Am I surprised or what.. to learn that they have formed a duo team to seek out all the clubs that have Ladies Night...
Another clubbing kakis to put on my list.. Yey....!




Met up with the guys and headed out for
Carls' Junior Burger... All of us were amazed by the size of the Burgers!! Are they meant for two persons?
Followed by a disappointing movie and a walk down to the tunnel of mystique.....