What if...

Perhaps it is the dull routine of study week. My mind seemed to wander more aimlessly than ever.

Was pondering over Life… My life in exact.

When I made a casual remark to Vinz over Msn that Ashley is born in Mezza9, Grand Hyatt, it didn’t hit me till now- that how significantly precise this statement is.

Hello. My name is Qiaohui.

And I have magically transformed into an Ashley, when my working life began at Mezza9.

Hey there, beautiful. I’m Ashley.

I gave myself this name cos I just like the ring of it and people can get the hand of it pretty fast. But never would I have predicted that a totally different life will just build up and change- with the birth of a name.

Should you meet Qiaohui on the streets 8 years ago; you will be greeted by a mild-mannered, shy and quiet girl- who looked too old for her age.

Now?

My friends couldn’t get me to shut up and I hate the fact that I look too young for my age. Loads of career disadvantages. Haiz…

Being in a service industry changed me dramatically, and slowly, I lost grasp of that girl that I once knew. Ashley is overshadowing Qiaohui each and every day. Not just because 2/3 of the people in her life are only acquainted with Ashley but the new perspectives of life, the acquired knowledge and stubborn determination have already replaced her past.

Well, Qiaohui used to have huge bunch of loving girlfriends. She used to think love is holy and Sex is sacred. Men are supposed to provide for families. The World was small and boring but kind. Singapore was all she ever wants to be in, for her entire life.

As Ashley progressed in her career and life, making life-changing choices with all the little courage she possessed, the safe World that Qiaohui has constructed was slowly trodden, eventually gave way to the new complicated and wild Ashley World.

Her friends are more of the masculine side. Love and sex do not need to come together, neither in ranking of importance. Women should be self-sustained and the World can be cruel yet at the same time, dangerously stimulating and exciting. And she recently diagnosed herself with commitment phobia.

I often wondered what Qiaohui will be doing now, if she did not step into Mezza9. Perhaps she will be saner and less perverse than Ashley. Maybe she is a mum to three. Maybe she already made splashes of success and wowed millions.

What if…

Is there really a bad or good choice that we make for our Life? How will a choice be classified as the Bad One? When it led you to an uncomfortable situation or when you don’t seem to gain anything out of it?

When I traced back the choices I made so far, I realized that I could hardly determine whether they were Bad or Good. A choice made, led to a consequence. Be it an ideal or a devastating one, you learnt from it. And you enhanced or improvised the consequence. Then... it leads to more choices to be made, more paths to be undertaken. We are in a cycle where it never stops.

This is quite assuring isn’t it? To know that no matter what choices we made, regardless of the consequences, we do gain from it. Cos the doors are never closed. And the road never ends. You can either persist to find a way out or let yourself drown in the sea of self-pity.

I find it mighty interesting to see how life unravel before your eyes, with every choice you make. The tangy twist of fate will just take it from here… and roll out the most spectacular movie of your life.