Wednesday, October 17, 2007

The Dark World

I must admit… it is under the influence of Vinz that I started picking up politics news. He can be pragmatic and overly-critical about the political happenings which, at times, I will research on the subjects just to find a hint of positivism. A debate of Optimism in the Humankind will commence with the intention to brainwash him that- Goodwill and Hopes will still prevail, in the end. The debates usually ended with my defeats, which are mostly signified with my pretenses of disinterest and silence….

As I read up on Taliban, the alarming knowledge of their operations once again reinforce in my lack of faith in Religion. Religion is used as a weapon to gain control by inflicting fear and pain on people. Their treatment of women is outrageous. The rules they enforce on Afghans are senseless.

Massacres like the below excerpt from Wikipedia, made one doubt the existence of God.

‘The worst attack on civilians came in summer of 1998 when the Taliban swept north from
Herat to the predominantly Hazara and Uzbek city of Mazar-i-Sharif, the largest city in the north. Entering at 10 am on 8 August 1998, for the next two days the Taliban drove their pickup trucks "up and down the narrow streets of Mazar-i-Sharif shooting to the left and right and killing everything that moved -- shop owners, cart pullers, women and children shoppers and even goats and donkeys."More than 8000 noncombatants were reported killed in Mazar-i-Sharif and later in Bamiyan. Contrary to the injunctions of Islam, which demands immediate burial, the Taliban forbade anyone to bury the corpses for the first six days while they rotted in the summer heat and were eaten by dogs. In addition to this indiscriminate slaughter, the Taliban sought out and massacred members of the Hazara, a mostly Shia ethnic group, while in control of Mazar.’

And..... for what godforsaken reasons do they have, to torture and kill animals?

‘At the Kabul zoo most animals were killed or left to starve. When the Taliban first entered the city zoo after taking over Kabul, one Taliban soldier "jumped into a bear's cage and cut off his nose, reputedly because the animal's beard was not long enough." At the lion's den another fighter leapt inside and proclaimed, `I am the lion now!` The lion killed him, but another Taliban soldier "threw a grenade into the den, blinding the animal." The noseless bear, blind lion, and two wolves, "were the only [zoo] animals that survived the Taliban rule.’

Good on you~ Mighty ol’ Lion!

Somewhere much closer to Home, Myanmar is also creating tension with its tyranny. As I followed closely to the updates, there were a couple of things that I disagree.

‘Meanwhile protests in support of the Myanmar demonstrators were picking up pace in several nations. Around 2,000 people held a protest in Malaysia (MSN.news).’

Protest in Malaysia? What kind of positive outcome do they hope to accomplish out of that action? Will Myanmar government goes: ‘Awwww…. 2000 Malaysians are protesting too! Let’s stop this nonsense right now!’

Come on…. Besides creating disturbance and inconvenience for the Malaysian police and citizens, the protest did nothing else much. Something more constructive like money donations or worldwide petitions to raise awareness and unite the World to quell the dictatorship, will be better?

Msnews.com report:

Japan, one of Myanmar's main donors, said Tuesday it was cancelling grants of about 4.7 million dollars over the fatal shooting of a Japanese journalist when security forces put down last month's huge protests.’

‘On Monday, European Union foreign ministers approved a new set of sanctions against the junta including an embargo on the export of wood, gems and metals, and threatened further penalties.’


I am unsure about these moves as appropriate remedies; as it appeared that Myanmar is pushing its head ahead, claiming everything is under control.

‘But Myanmar’s military leaders have rebuffed calls for reforms, saying the only way to bring change is to follow the junta’s seven-step “road map” to democracy, which is supposed to culminate with elections at an unspecified date.
So far, only the plan’s first stage — drawing up guidelines for a new constitution — has been completed, and that took more than a decade. Critics say the road map is a ruse to allow the military to stay in power (MSNBC.com).’


I personally feel that the international sanctions on Myanmar might snowball into a catastrophe that one can imagine. With no revenue, the Military might resort to robbing its own people to fund the war… or even taking them as hostages to negotiate. Goodness.... Myanmar can be the worst nightmarish living hell to survive in.

On the other hand, one of the UN tactics remains to be uncertain….


The United Nations sent Ibrahim Gambari, a top trouble-shooter, to Myanmar after the crackdown to meet junta chief Than Shwe and Aung San Suu Kyi, who is held in detention at her Yangon home. (MSN.news).’


In response:

The success, if any, of his visit was not immediately apparent. One female activist was quoted saying, “We hoped for so much and what we feel is that he achieved nothing... He should have visited the places of the demonstrations – like
Pakkoku and the Shwedagon Pagoda. He should have visited the infamous Insein Prison, then he would have seen the truth.(The Times)’

In midst of these disturbing news, I found myself a heroine- an renowned Prisoner Of Conscience, Aung San Suu Kyi. Her steadfast loyalty to her people, to her beliefs and visions held my admiration… She commands respect for enduring decades of loneliness without her family by her side yet remain strong and determined to stand against all odds.

Perhaps, there are still hopes for humanity....



Thursday, October 04, 2007

No One

I just want you close
Where you can stay forever
You can be sure
That it will only get better

You and me together
Through the days and nights
I don't worry 'cuz
Everything's going to be alright
People keep talking they can say what they like
But all i know is everything's going to be alright

No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I'm feeling
No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I feel for you, you, you
Can get in the way of what I feel for you

When the rain is pouring down
And my heart is hurting
You will always be around
This I know for certain

You and me together
Through the days and nights
I don't worry 'cuz
Everything's going to be alright
People keep talking they can say what they like
But all i know is everything's going to be alright

No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I'm feeling
No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I feel for you, you, you
Can get in the way of what I feel
I know some people search the world
To find something like what we have

I know people will try try to divide something so real
So til the end of time I'm telling you there is no one
No one, no one, no one

Can get in the way of what I'm feeling
No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I feel for you, you, you
Can get in the way of what I feel for you

- Alicia . Keys . -

Saturday, September 29, 2007

Chance

This is my ninth day in Sydney. Seeing Ethan again is just fabulous. He is still the same sweet and loving friend- but with a grey cloud of stress and gloom around him. Work assignment here isn’t that smooth and I have been waiting for him up late these nights. Well, just wanna be there for him for an hour or two... before he passed out on bed till the next morning and head for work early in the morning.

Throughout my stay, I have been hibernating in the studio apartment, working on a group project while my Aussie groupmate seemed to be missing in action. Kinda worried she will pull a fast one on me…. But I’m keeping my cool as with my current research report will garner a Pass anyway. This is my last semester… and seriously- I can’t be bothered too much with academic stuff. All I can think is about homecoming and travel plans.

When boredom started to cave in, I went for walks. Spent 3 hours with lappie in Starbucks. Watched a delightful Hairspray. You may not believe it but I yet to shop for anything, where our apartment is in midst of shopping paradise. Just don’t have the cash and mood for it. Sorry, Chiam…. Might not be able to buy any ‘I think you will like cos I don’t’ tops or dresses for you over here.

Went clubbing with Ethan last Saturday. Like always, whenever we travelled, club hopping will be a ritual. Two of us, braving the cold wind, walked from streets to streets for booze and music. Drinks were pretty cheap but the music really sucked, their lighting techniques were sub-standard, ambience was a tad tacky with loads of rowdy and crass youngsters. I miss Zouk and Café Del Mar so damn much.....

Afandi and Jenny, long-time friends of mine, took us to dinner at Bondi Beach. In fact, I just came back from a group date with them. Together with six Indonesia friends of theirs, I was unwillingly led to KTV near Hyde Park. Karaoke is not really my favourite choice of fun…. Sometimes I really wondered why people love it so much. When you bare your soul out, singing your guts out- your friends are happily talking over the music, totally oblivious of the effort going on with the microphones. Only till it is their turn… but then again, it will be your turn to make loud conversations.

What’s the point exactly? If you want to talk, a nice bar will do the trick. If you want to sing, go with a friend or just alone.

Nevertheless, I was having a nice time reading the lyrics off the screen. Busy smirking at how corny Mandarin Pop can. Most of the Mandarin songs really put me off with their lack of creativity, extreme mushiness and cheesiness. I have my reasons for loving western music. I totally dig those lyrics that are subtle in expressing emotions, yet with the power of words, sentence structures and figments of personal memories to convey meanings that caught you off guard.

Oh well, I am not going to rant about music preferences. What sent me deep in thoughts was a song duet performance by Afandi and Jenny. Afandi did not know how to read the Chinese characters on the screen and had to rely on Jenny to read out the words in hushed tone, in between her part and his. It was amazing.
He managed to get them right on the spot. Both of them sung so beautifully in harmony. This is the couple that have been together more than 10 years. As I stole sideway glances, the sight of them singing in perfect unison, her hand in his, have me sighing with envy. They are a lovely picture of Love- a perfect coupling with individual flaws. And the very existence of the bond and chemistry they share so intimately have overcome weaknesses and troubles. They stumbled through life in combined wisdom and braveness.

And I have no idea how to achieve that. Perhaps, not in this lifetime.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

It Will Take Time

She peered intently at the strange crystal ball that was perched in an elaborated ebony frame.

Glimpse of a blurry image became to surface from within. Her eyes widened in recognition as the moving image grew in clarity.


There he was, shielding her from the strong gust of wind and rain with his big frame.

It was the day when they just got to know each other through mutual friends which they hit off right away. The hilarious misadventures of hers have reached his ears and triggered the special interest to meet the unwilling Star herself. Five minutes into their initial conversation and he was off, teasing her mercilessly, which she fought back with playful sarcasm. She was ever so thrilled to find a worthy debate opponent who can bring endless of stimulating tugs of verbal war.

That puddle of water was growing swiftly in size and depth as the rain poured as if the World coming to an end. He turned to find her standing before the puddle, , contemplating if she should jump over and risk landing in the middle of the muddy water. He stretched his hand out, urging her to leap over. He will be catching her, for sure. She hesitated. After all, they just knew each other and it will be kind of awkward holding his hand…. Before she can even come to a conclusion, he has already stepped into the puddle, lifted her up like a feather and in that swift yet long moment, she was at the other side of the puddle, bewildered.

“Is this the one?” a scratchy, deep voice broke her trains of thoughts. She shook her head slowly. This piece of beautiful memory has made her feel wildly alive yet protected.

“We shall see….” A pair of shrivelled hands caressed the smooth surface of the crystal ball. An image soon came to life like a flickering old TV.

They took the long MRT ride from the West into the East- Changi Airport for a little rail adventure, an excursion and an attempt to cheer her up. They were talking about everything under the sun except for that ugly Break-up. She shared her naughty escapades and shocking stories from her work where he fulfilled her curiosity with his worldly knowledge and experiences. It seemed only rightful that he was there with her; where he had steadfastly become her confidant whom she sought solace and comfort in.

As he walked quietly beside her, she stole a glance at him. He was not a looker but there was something about him, perhaps his confidence that made him almost incredibly charming. He held that charismatic quality like a delicious perfume that lure people to him. She wondered if he ever likes her more than a friend. Dismissing the thought quickly, she decided she had enough of heartbreaks and should be contented to keep this friendship as it is.

“Well…?” She looked up at the petite old lady with a slightly crooked nose and shook her head slowly. The old lady heaved a deep sigh and continued to move her hands slowly around the crystal ball.

There was an elegant display of teapot sets in the window. She leaned forward and took a closer look at a delicate-looking teapot with the most exquisite cravings on its smooth charcoal body.

Pulling him by her side and pointed at the teapot, “There. This will be the one that I will drink my tea from… when I am old and have all the time in the world to appreciate my aromatic Chinese tea.”

“Yes. I can imagine that. I wonder if there’s someone willing to share the pot of tea with me…” and he turned to her with a strange twinkle in his eyes. She was taken back at that implying question, and looked away.

“Well.. I.. I am sure that you will find someone to do that with you. Very soon.”

They continued to stare at the teapots in silence. He was oblivious of how fast her heart was beating and what kind of chaotic state he has just thrown her mind into. Words came up to her mouth, but none spilled out. And just like that, they strolled into a café for a dinner, resuming their status as a pair of good friends.

He was always so subtle in telling her how he felt about her. Sometimes, she wished that he would come across blatantly and bold about his feelings. But he never did. And things have patched up with her then boyfriend, which left her feeling awfully guilty for thinking about another man in any way.

Her eyes began to sting as she watched the fading image of the night when they have parted for home and knowingly, for two separate ways. The old lady fixed her eyes on her client who was looking all defeated and shaky now. Crossing her arms, she held her silence in anticipation of a closed deal.

He was the one. He has always been the one. He waited for her patiently all those times, sat beside her in unspoken understanding when she had one of those quarrels with her boyfriend. And never had he failed to make her laugh. Because of his silent love and the misfortunate choice that she has picked to pledge her love to, they lost that slip of chance to be together. And here she was now; recovering that slip of chance with a price to pay and a bit of magic. She could finally make it happen and not living in regrets, like in the past seven years. Yet, there was something remaining that she needed to see.

“I want to see him. Now.”

The old lady rolled her hideous yellow eyes and began to curse in a strange language, as she smoothed her hands over the crystal ball again.

There he was, again. Smiling like a true champion as he held his son up high in the sky. His lovely pregnant wife was sitting on the perfect green grass, holding out a cup of tea for him. He sat down beside her and gave a peck on her rosy cheek. Their little angelic son was staggering straight towards the flock of pigeons that sent the birds to panic and in every direction. The couple laughed as their son squealed with delight, throwing his little arms high up, in the air.

She caught her own reflection on the crystal ball, wrecked and sorrowful. She could no longer bear to look at those images and began to sob into her hands uncontrollably. He is perfectly happy now, with or without her. And she is the only one that has yet to move on, harping on a past that she could never have, thinking how wonderful things will be if she has held onto him tightly. She wanted a chance to be able to kiss his lips and his kind eyes and whispers into his ears that that he could not be any more perfect for her.

If there is a chance to undo one of the things that you have done in the past, what will that be?

There have been no regrets in life but him. Now, here is the opportunity to undo that bad choice she made. She cleared her throat to speak, but was choked by the flood of tears that came like a crashing wave.

Just like that, an intense feeling of relief and enlightenment washed over her.

The old lady frowned as she did not like the look of it. She hastily pointed to the crystal ball which conjured an image of her in his strong arms, cuddling tightly and stroking his hairs lovingly.

“This could be your future…” she croaked hopelessly.

“Stop. Please stop it now. I know what I want for my future. It is within my love to bless him with the good life he leads now.” She pushed a wad of bills to the old lady. With that, she walked out of the room knowing that she has finally left her regret behind.


--------------------------------E.N.D---------------------------

Editorial note:
How often we let ourselves wallow in regrets of ‘if I have done this….’ Or ‘if I have not said this...’?
I learnt in a hard way that I should be moving from where I am, not back from where I was. Regret is only a result of trying to make “ourselves" happy. When you become self-consumed, you get all bitter and harsh, without realizing that life aint gonna wait for you.
And just like John Barrymore said: ‘A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams.’

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Beauty and the Ordinary

Ashie: Focus... Focus.. Focus!
isnt it ironical
when u ask someone.
will u attracted by someone with beauty or humour

Ashie: Focus... Focus.. Focus!
they will always say.. humour
but as the matter of fact..
they always look for beauty...

Ashie: Focus... Focus.. Focus!
n try to see if there is humour..
if she/he dun have.. they will try to accept the 'flaw'.

Ultra超五星級大鼠~ la cuisine de la maman~
Well

Ashie: Focus... Focus.. Focus!
almost everyone noe tat it is not rite to choose beauty
but they still do so~

Ultra超五星級大鼠~ la cuisine de la maman~
it the elephant man thingy again lor
99% of ppl dun speak fr heart
dey say the right thing to say only

Ashie: Focus... Focus.. Focus!
welll....
Ashie: Focus... Focus.. Focus!
they feel guilty to say ' beauty’

Ultra超五星級大鼠~ la cuisine de la maman~
not guilty

Ultra超五星級大鼠~ la cuisine de la maman~
by system default
as kids

Ultra超五星級大鼠~ la cuisine de la maman~
teachers always inject tots in2 their brains
內在美
but in story telling time
there r no f'ugly princesses

Ultra超五星級大鼠~ la cuisine de la maman~
art class kid got low marks why?
coz their artwrk not pretty nuff

Ultra超五星級大鼠~ la cuisine de la maman~
hence the schizio syn

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
When you are attending an occasion, gathering or party, which of the following that a stranger possesses will attract you most- Beauty or Humour?

Just one of the many Life questions I threw at Vinz during our MSN operational hours (12pm to 1am, Australia time, daily).

For me, I am, indeed guilty of searching for beautiful faces, however that was not enough to warrant fatal attraction. Beauty will fade after 10 minutes, when he is proven to be as dull as a school textbook. I will be off to the wackiest guy in the party, hoping to catch that infectious laughter and making merry for the rest of the night.

This is me. But this isn’t so for some. For the entire night, they will try to chat up the gorgeous ones, waiting to hit the jackpot of wholesome beauty plus character package. When you pose this question to them, they will reply in an as-a-matter-of-fact tone: Humour, of course~!

I am not talking about how they should be ashamed of choosing beauty over a person’s colourful character. Beautiful people do get better quality of life in some sense or another, which we the ordinary people need to work harder to obtain. And that is alright. We have learn to live with it~

Rather, I find it disturbing that we pretend that beauty isn’t significant. Why do we lie? Why are we embarrassed to admit that we prefer our eye-candies? Is it wrong and superficial?

Just like Vinz said: 99 % of the people do not speak from their heart.
How disheartening.

Saturday, August 11, 2007

Almost Lover

I felt like a war veteran. Like deaths are imminent and inevitable. Like when you began to feel empty and void. You can almost stand physically away from yourself, looking down at the soulless body and wonder what the hell is wrong with you.

Those younger days. I used to be obsessed with the motions and meaning of romance, seeking and chasing the very grand notion of love. I brawled my eyes out with tears when they all, did not turned up too well. And every time my heart got broken, it mended itself with concrete, and sealing up the cracks.

Till now. I can no longer have sympathy for broken hearts. I refused to get melodramatic with break-ups and rejection as I considered them signs of weakness. To live for somebody else instead of self are signs of stupidness. You have to admit Love made us behave foolishly. It is not a good thing. It is a plague that blinded and pushed us to bottomless pit….

I know what came over me. Well, at least I think I do. I became selfish with my love. Self-love. Right after a disastrous relationship with Jimmy, I can no longer bring myself to throw right back into the Love river anymore. Fuck… it wasn’t worth the hell I went through.

I do not like to watch films and dramas of Romance nor a fan of Josephine Cox. They are evil and unreal. They are running politically incorrect propaganda telling people that Love has a fixed lifecycle. You met on one extraordinary day. You fell in love where, in due course something or someone will come along to destroy whatever you have. Then the drums rolled... when love prevails all. And you ended up happily ever after. It led us to believe that hard work will pay off. Star-crossed lovers will eventually have their day. Romeo and Juliet will eventually meet in heaven, throwing into deep embraces and kisses.

This perception runs so deeply in our brains… that we refused to let go when love turned sour. We fear for turmoils when love has been too sweet and perfect. We are always waiting for the happy ending and wind up jaded and disappointed when nothing of a hope drop from the sky. This kind of fairytales, I no longer believe or even want to read.

Cos it left me feeling empty and dejected.

And exceptionally lonely.

Monday, July 30, 2007

Griffith never ceases to amaze me

Today.
30 July 2007, Ms Chiam & Ong’s Convocation Ceremony. The day when we get to receive the paper which validates our years of hard work and the massive amount of money invested on this expensive education.

I was (of course) acting as her PA to Ms Chiam. Felt very proud of her when she donned her graduation attire on, all smart and serious in her robe and that square hat. My eyes started to sting when the ceremony began…. as it reminded me of TP graduation ceremony; where my dad came alone to witness his daughter receiving several awards and her Diploma on stage. I could almost feel his pride when I stepped up and received my medal, in midst of the excited cheering from my friends. That’s my daughter, he would smile to himself. The emphasis and seriousness that TP placed on giving graduates their due credits on this day was affectionately genuine and heart-warming.

This led me back to today, where this supposedly significant ceremony has presented itself as an emotionless, flat and near-to-pointless occasion for graduates and their guests.

The ceremony took place in Gold Coast Convention Centre where family and friends have to pay 24 bucks to attend. Yes. Each and everyone. You will say: Well, Griffith need to pay manpower fees and rental for the function space, right?

True. But if you do the maths… if there are 300 graduates in the 2 hours afternoon session, with an average of 2 guests (where the estimate is really understated as most of them will have 4 or more). There will be 600 guests x AUD$25 (ticket), making a grand total of AUD15K.

There used to be no charges for carpark, but now, they charging $5 per entry.
Photography came at an extraordinary price- $24 for an A4 size picture. Robe rental came to $60 per graduate. And get this- There were NO refreshments or drinks for the guests. They gave out 2 drink coupons to Wenting (who bought 5 entry tickets) in exchange of 2 bottles of mineral water.

Y’all just about making money money money right? Good business mind, Griffith. Never mind about the graduates. Dig hard for gold while you are at it~

Those who have been to Graduation Ceremony in Singapore, should get the idea of the stark contrast by now. For the price of NOTHING, you get to enjoy mingling with your fellow graduates, family and friends with refreshments served in the foyer. You get to say your farewell to your lecturers and professors, who will be beaming with pride throughout the ceremony.

We could not stay in the foyer for long as it was too crowded and chaotic. I did not see any of the teaching staff (most likely they are in Uni, as today is a School day. We have skipped lesson to attend).

Let’s not compare the Price, Food or the Ambience. Let’s talk about the Basic- the ceremony itself.

When you approached to receive your degree, you will be greeted with the sight of 20 people seated on the stage. They are some kind of Doctors or whatever- which I have no interest to find out who the heck they are. The audience are expected to stand up in respect as they marched in with stony expressions and placed their butts to the chairs on the stage. The Emcee has ‘dictated’ to audience that they should applause for every graduate who receives their Award. Fair enough. I am happy to do that. And what did those High & Mighties did? Only a handful clapped half-heartedly throughout the 90 min ceremony. The rest looked like they have something better to do, flipping their program books again and again. Looking Extremely Bored. Right on the Stage.


And we bloody have to stand on feet and sent them off, with that inspiring music in the background.

WTF.


Why should we be giving them the respect when they give none back?

Never mind about that again. We are perfectly forgiving bunch of folks. But it just pained me when Wenting’s mum asked me: “What? Are they calling her? Wen Chiam? That is not her name….”. I watched in silence when Wenting took stiff strides across the stage. I knew the answer, but I did not wish to explain to her. The answer will be ridiculous. The ceremony went on with weird Asian names that made people laughed quietly.

I have rounded up that almost 55% of the graduates were Asians, mostly consisted of Chinese, Japanese and Koreans. After all, Griffith is THE Uni for International students.

“We care deeply for our international students. We will persist to assist them in any way; we can to make their stay in Australia a meaningful, beneficial and comfortable one.”

That seemed to be the main gist of Griffith message driven to lure potential international students. Wonder if they can sleep at nights with all these false claims. They do not even bother to get their precious cum money-churning students’ names right! It is such a fucking big University with international students flocking in more than they can hope for. And they just couldn’t spend some time and efforts to establish a system to get the ‘allegedly complicated’ Asian names in order (despite all the notifications and complaints that you guys got our names WRONG?)!

You are freaking presenting us the Degree which we worked so hard for it, with a name that we do not even recognise. Does it kill you guys to announce our full names? Is ‘Chiam Wenting’ very difficult? How about that ‘Christopher O’Brien’ that you said so smoothly? That wasn’t complicated or too long??

Is this treatment acceptable? Is it even ethically right?

We spent over 25K for an education in your University. And you offered us with no sincere recognition, no memorable ceremony and a bitter-sour taste in our mouths to take home.


No thanks, Griffith. I will be most likely skipping my own Graduation Ceremony. I do not want my family and friends to spend a bomb to travel here for a meaningless graduation, where you will be calling me upon stage with ‘Kar Ko’, ‘Hwee Ko’ or ‘Ko Hwee’.

That is not Me.

Monday, July 23, 2007

Vinz showed me this interesting webbie for The Golden Compass. Think the movie gonna be great too~

Sunday, July 22, 2007

DNA Report

Cool quiz taken from Danzel's Blog. Do psych yourself~

This is my report (Mouse over for details):

(Click the above link for the test)

My personalDNA Report

FYI: This report confirms that I Do behave like a man... scoring lowest on Femininity... Blah~!

Thursday, May 31, 2007

What you should learnt from this lesson:

Imagine folks love to drop these on me:
‘We are having so much fun here~ too bad you ain’t here.”
“Why do you have to go to school?? You just waste money and your time lah~”

The one that makes me smile:
“We all miss you so much leh…. Please come back, faster!”

The cold hard truth is that I am beginning to regret taking up an overseas bachelor course. Several unjust incidents with the School’s system and perceptions disillusioned and disheartened any motivating gust I have within. I have labelled them as ‘Horror stories’ which have reinforced that racial prejudice is much alive everywhere and Singapore’s work efficiency is still the best.

Nevertheless, my time in Australia is not exactly wasted. There are positive developments in my life and character-building. By the influence of Roomie, I pick up beading as my hobby- the only hobby I have in my entire life. I learnt to cook better and strived hard to be a better Griller than Roomie. Her patience is something I don’t possess. My grilled chickens always turn out to be African relatives to hers. She got me hooked on CSI, the TV series, which I found myself fatally addicted to it now. Now, with the vigour of a crime scene investigator, I analyse and rationalise every single occurrence, encounter, and moment of my daily life.

I read more news than ever- comparing to reading 8 Days as my only bible of current news in Singapore. Although the news I read are more of personal interests like celebrity gossips, strange happening, crimes and world of animals, there are also increased interest in the tourism industry which I can spend the whole afternoon, browsing the e-newsletter from Travel Weekly. I am not saying I have attained wisdom- in fact; I’m like a new-born baby who just gets to know the world. And with the new wakening awareness of the world, I found myself, tiny, on the enormous magnitude of the Universe. The world is not about me or you. Whatever terrible ordeals that we went though, are in reality, trivial in scale to whatever happening around.

This brought me to the heart-wrenching consciousness of the Holocaust. I sobbed when I listened to the horrifying stories of the survivors on the Oprah Show. I showed my heartfelt appreciation with tears as I watched the movie ‘Miracle by Midnight’. It was inspired by true events- where people in Denmark helped the Jews to escape, despite the fatal price they have to pay if caught by the Nazis.

Not forgetting, that Roman Catholic priest, Oliver O’Grady. That son of the b***h. That f***king paedophile just further augment my lack of faith in Religion. Arm of God that raped and sodomised his followers. He was convicted a tad too late with a punishment too light.



I have heard enough of ‘GOD SAID YOU SHALL…….’. Why should we trust the Man’s interpretation of God?? Where, the mind of Man, is the most treacherous weapon in the entire Universe? How did the Church react when they knew about their priests and the perverted games? They washed, covered and powdered those abusers' asses. How inspiring is that- such a strong sense of Brotherhood displayed. I wondered~ why the heck are they preaching against homosexuals- when they can’t wait to hold those young boys in their arms themselves?

This irked me bloody much to know that people get so blinded with the notion of religion that they place all their life and hopes on a fellow human. The blind sheep that flocked devotedly to a lost shepherd deserved no pity.

Face it. There are flaws in religion beliefs. We don’t need a Man-God. The only true God lives in your heart. Listen to what He has to say… not he.

Sunday, April 22, 2007

Saturday, April 21, 2007

Do you know You?

Seriously. Do you?

I am helpless here. Everyone said of course. I told myself, many times- that I knew better. But that wisp of confidence has made its U-turn, left me high and dry, hoping to catch a glimpse of certainty again.

Now everyone seemed to understand me better than myself. I could trust my judgement- no more. It is frightening. And so sickening. I can’t stand the Silence berating me like a child.

Stop it. I don’t want to think. Don’t want to reflect. Don’t want to keep seeking answers in places that I don’t even know how to go there.

Maybe I should take the chance to tell you what I truly want.

Wait a minute. Let me search deep. I might get an insight or two.

Or None.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Crashed and blessed

I slept through it... a long deep, sound sleep. Only to be woken by a concerned phone call.

Caught Oprah’s show with my breakfast cum lunch and found that the topic of the day coincided weirdly with my state of mind: ‘How to deal with feelings caused by trauma’

It is said that when you are not in tuned with your feelings after a terrible happening, obsessive habits like over-eating or over-spending might developed, in an attempt to soothe yourself. And the cure is to connect with your deepest inner feelings and recognise it... starting with the magic words of ‘I feel…’

Here am I .. giving it a go.. Before I became obsessed with sleep.

I feel guilty for causing the car accident which has created a domino effect of damages and consequences that followed.

I feel sickening awful for putting Roomie through such ordeal. For causing her headaches and the inconveniences.

I feel damn angry with myself. For all that have happened.

I feel worried. The impact of the crash has hurt my back, which worsened the next day. Can feel the pain spreading slowly to my neck and lower spine. Will it affect me in future?

But….
I also feel blessed that this accident has taught me a lesson with no claim of life or bodily harm to others. The damages caused, hopefully, can be solved with money.

I feel fortunate to know that in times of needs, there are people who truly care and support me- even it means extending their hard-earned savings out to help.

Phews…

Well, I guess this little exercise does helps. Now I have faced the reality, I should be able to go through it- head-on. Although it did not erase the torturing replays of the accident in my mind, I have recognised that it had happened and that, it could not be undone.

But really, I should be counting the blessings as worse consequences that might have occurred.
And again, I feel truly thankful that Roomie is fine. If not, I will be stricken with guilt for the rest of my life.

Sunday, March 18, 2007

Sanya Fever

Spent almost 3 weeks in Sanya for a Kick-off event in early Jan 2007.


Sanya City
It is an increasingly popular beach retreat, a couple few hours away from the city of Hainan, Haikou. It is not really a destination of choice for a personal holiday but I will love to visit friends I made during this working trip.
Sheraton Resort
Especially~ the staff at Sheraton Resort.... They made me felt like right at home there. The rapport given by the hotel staff was amazing and they never failed to make sure that I have my meals and rest. Once, the front desk manager noticed that I did not have any bite since morning, and took the initiative to order room service for me... and it was on the house~! There were other instances where I was all alone and needed help, they were the ones that tried their best to assist.
Hmm... Come to think about it, they were one of the most terrific hotel teams I have ever worked with.
Here are some capture of Imagine crew behind the scenes... (regrettably, there wasn't any pictures of the delightful hotel staff)
Girl POwers~ Ash as The Logistics Manager; Shah as The Producer

At Coffee Lovers Cafe
From Left: David F (Teambuilding), Raymond (IT), Shah (Producer), David T (Exec. Producer), Ash (Logistic), Muhd (Sound) and Alvin(Lighting and Staging)

Behind the little black box~ The Console
From left, clockwise: Ken T (Sound), Boyd (Lighting), Raymond (IT), Ken L (Video) and Dave (IT)

The Imported Entertainers
David T with Band, Jive Talking and Emcee, Venetta Lopez
P.s: Jive Talking totally sensational and Ven..? One of the best Emcees I have worked with
Work in Progress...
And monkeying around for a breather~

Sanya Fever continues...


Life behind the Black Box.. seemed so... good~ Food, Drinks, Smoke~


The Boss... the biggest baby of all~


Event success celebration with 3 Champagne PoP!!


And a deadly Thank you hug from Boss...


Crew Photo
Some of the crew that I have not mentioned earlier:
Geok Choo and Raffles (Video), Jim (DJ), William (Event helper), Holli, Ah Lan & Aileen (BBTS, local operator)

Smashing Team~!

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Cos...

Did a color personality quiz this afternoon; it depicted my love life as:
According to Luscher's theories, this indicates that you're holding back from having deep attachments. While sex brings you physical satisfaction, you're more emotionally withdrawn with your partners.

And I just had a heart-to-heart chat with Roomie- telling her all about that bittersweet summer romance. * Thanks, babe. I feel better now...

It amazed me how the ‘usually strong and independent’ women like us can get teary and feel so helpless once we are back at Gold Coast. I was seriously contemplating to buy a one way ticket back to Singapore- for a brief, heavy moment. This time, homesickness got me real bad- surprisingly worse than the first time.

Perhaps, just like what Roomie analyzed, I was very much pampered by the loving attention and thoughtful care given by him so much- that his absence was sorely felt now.

I am at a loss. Losing grip of understanding what the hell I am feeling and thinking now. Acceptance or not- seemed like two dead ends to me. They no longer provide a solution- they churned out problems and complicated the matter further instead.

Decided to put my good old faith on Time to solve this for me, although it has been taking its damn sweet pace to torment me with memories and loads of ‘what if’.

Time, do hasten… before Selfishness chases Empathy and Self-respect away and rules over my heart.

Saturday, March 03, 2007

Thursday, February 22, 2007

The Dance Floor

It takes two to tango
It takes insanity for me to dance

An unbelievable, most torturing 1hour of my life.
Dragged by Sis to take a trial lesson in salsa dancing
Ended up with deflated esteem in the world of dancing

Can’t catch up with the beats
Can’t synchronize my body parts- legs and hands swinging about madly
Can’t keep my eyes off my frantic, clumsy feet, despite repeated, stern instructions

I’m so hopelessly untalented that teacher bade her assistant to guide me through, one to one
While the class waltzed through the basics like a bunch of pro
An hour of class… seemed like eternity
Never have I ever wished that time could just breeze through, so feverishly before
And it surprised myself that I was on the verge of giving up, after 10 mins of commencement into the class

I guess I am so used to getting hang of new things easily,
The bottom of a class was never the position I have held before
I know that self-consciousness have prevented me from breaking freely into a dance
Wanting to ace too badly that my body tensed up and refused to move as willed
And I worried
About my posture, getting the precise timing, how I looked, how inept my body coordination was….
Cared so damn much… that I forgotten how to enjoy myself
A lesson learnt but not to be attempted again, any time soon

I met my nemesis
And I shall avoid it for the time being,…

Meanwhile, I shall seek solace in Mraz’s voice

http://youtube.com/watch?v=Xe-4e0cE7q0
Life is wonderful~ Jason Mraz

It takes a night to make it dawn
And it takes a day to make you yawn brother
It takes some old to make you young
It takes some cold to know the sun
It takes the one to have the other

It takes no time to fall in love
But it takes you years to know what love is
It takes some tears to make you trust
It takes some years to make it rust
It takes some dust to make it polished

Ha la la la la la la life is wonderful
Ah la la la la la la life is full circle
Ah la la la la la la life is so full of
Ah la la la la la la life is so rough
Ah la la la la la la life is wonderful
Ah la la la la la la life is full circle
Ah la la la la la la life is our love
Ah la la la la la

Thursday, February 01, 2007

Phuket Rendezvous

I know that this is looonng overdue...
Nevertheless, the sweet memories of the fun we have in Phuket still fresh in my mind.. I was laughing my head off as I blogged and reminisced about the trip.

Trio's Phuket Trip 2006


The Resort that pampered us like kings and princess
Upon arrival, we have our very own personal GRO and porter to escort us to the room

Baliness-style room with direct access to the pool

Which we were so tempted and jumped right into it, the moment the hotel staff left us
Inspired by Water Boys...

Phuket Town

Ethan and I were left on own to explore the town- as Gerard's stomach decided to rebel against the poison that he've been feeding it...

Phuket Beach
That piece of Haven
Where we found an angel

Phuket Night ~Rest and Relax
A fabulous massage parlour that we stumbled upon..
Karon Beach
Brotherly act 1
Buddy act 2
Sister act 3

Following the local beach trend (set by tourists), we bought a set of the Beach Ball to get in the groove of action on the beach... it was such a tedious playtime than anything else...

Exhausted, burnt and famished, we took a tuk tuk back and..

Room Service!!
After a carefree indulgence in the delectable Thai food, we decided to take a short nap. Seems like Ethan decided to go for a rejuvenating beauty sleep instead...

Anyway, too bad for him...
Phuket Night
Bangla Road~ where all creatures of the Dark congregate

After a pricy seafood feast and queasy experiences of the flesh market in Bangala Street...

We finally found our way (with help from Ethan's friend) to a proper dance club- Banana Club for a good chill-out

And Gerard Almost got lucky that night...
To Phuket City
Totally Spoilt ourselves silly with Japanese yummies~!

Started playing Gerard's stupid drinking game with a flask of hot sake as the punishment....

Needless to say who was the undefeatable champion...
However the biggest winner of the day is....

Gerard. Who was reunited with long-sought-after~ Father of Ultraman


Sunset At Katon

Took a stroll along the scenic beach, easing our stuffed stomachs...

And Gerard chose to carry some weights

The reasons behind their idiotic expressions...

1) Cos I'm paying for this tuk tuk ride (that's my $ they are flaunting)
2) I am paying because I have a serious case of stomach run!!! Can't afford to walk back to Resort.
3) I'm in such pain that I can't partake in the photo-taking.. kept quiet and still, waiting anxiously for sight of our resort- while trying very hard to ignore the 2 monkeys

There you go.. Another successful trip of the Trio
Pictures of Sanya coming up... real soon.