Delirious Rambling

Maybe I am better off dead now...This has been a constant thought on my mind for the past few days..
Hold it. Before you came barging into my house with that holy rescue mission, please bring a couple of my favourite egg tarts and a few entertaining DVDs for me.

I am sick~for the past 1 week and I hate being sick with all my guts.

It had covered me with self-pity and pain. I cried like a baby last night as all I can feel were terrible headaches and throbbing soreness all over my body. I have little strength to pull myself out of bed and turning my body to a side, required painstaking effort and a hot stream of tears.

Well, I have only myself to blame~ I have been refusing to see a doctor, thinking that I will heal 'naturally' soon. Now Doc reprimanded me that I should consult him sooner; for now, I will take about 1 month to fully recover. Damned...

I don't know if you feel the same way I do about illness. . Guiltiness always set in heavily when I am down with a bug. I am supposed to meet up with a few friends that I haven't seen for a long time over the weekend but was too weak to go out.. There's an event to execute today~ yet I am resting at home with a MC. I felt bad for it all- why can't I took good care of myself to prevent all these?

Last night, Mom had to give me a 'Gua San' (a traditional, painful chinese treatment , using a saucer to scrub the patient's back till it turned ruby red...said to release body heatiness), Az spent half an hour hearing that tearful ranting about my condition over the phone and poor Vodka had been dragged to my bedside for company the whole night....

Now I can comprehend why most of critically-ill patients can feel suicidal..The mental torture of guilt, being vulnerable and useless can be more overpowering than the physical pain itself. It can drive you to such negativity that you wish for non-existence.

Wise words from the Flu bug..
You may think of yourself as the most unfortunate or miserable person in the world. But you still have time; you are still in the game of life... Cos you are still in the pink of health to change your destiny to the way you want it to be.

Indulge yourself in vices like smoking or taking drugs for the sake of short momentums of pleasures... But is it worth spending wretched life in the hospital bed and watch your loved ones agonized over you?