Before I go

Leaving for Chiang Mai tomorrow.
Nervous like hell. I have never led a tour group before. Now I have been assigned as TOUR MANAGER to bring a group of doctors over- ALONE…
Performing group check-in, making sure my passengers intact and whole and resisting the urge to make police report of 'lost' passengers…..

I feel like I have just being requested to perform a brain surgery for a dying patient…

Send me a group of rowdy children- I can control and suppress their mischief. But I'm totally unsure of my capability to ‘manage’ 60 doctors. I can’t possibly use sweets to lure them back to their seats, glare at them when they are late for departure or coax shamelessly when they are upset….. *Hmmm… can I?

Argghh..

I must survive the 6 hours of independency.
I must survive the 6 hours of independency.
I must survive the 6 hours of independency.

I will
I will
I will~ I hope..

Nevertheless, on the brighter side, I will be traveling much for this April’s weekends, leaving footprints in Chiang Mai, Tioman then Beijing…

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeee………. here I come..

Welcome to Moonlight Bunny Ranch

Music of rhythmic heartbeats and sexy sirens of a saxophone in the background…
A womanly figure loomed seductively out of the darkness and towards the light beam cast by the lonely lamp post. She stretched out for the pole, began to gyrate against it, purring as she went on performing an almost orgasmic dance routine.
Then she stopped. And looked straight into the camera, gave a devilish smile….
“Meooow… I’m lonely here. Just like you are…. I’ll make your fantasies come true. Your best night ever… Meoowww….” She moaned.

Lights dimmed.

“ Kitty Fantasy Land” flashed in neon pink against the darkness.
“Head down to your nearest neighborhood Kitty Fantasy Land outlet for a mind-blowing experience today. We’re now open 24/7. 1st 100 customers of the day will get an exclusive hand job, on the house. So, what are you waiting for? Come visit us. Soon….” A silky voiceover boomed.

TV Advertisement ends.

This is the best estimation I can have, that you will get- when prostitution gets legalized. Just like what Dennis Hof, owner of the World Famous Bunny Ranch promotes non-bashfully.

The World Famous Bunny Ranch is a legalized brothel in America, Nevada- in the middle of the uncaring desert, manifesting like a mirage for those sex-thirst men, only to be a real solution to all their sexual dreams.
Can’t decide what kinda services you want from the girls? Don’t fret! Bunny Ranch’s extensive menu will assist you in making the right decision for a purrfect night.
Need to fulfill a dangerous fetish like heels stomping on your balls? The Ranch has it!
Need to de-virginse your sons with wonderful experience? The Ranch girls promise a ball-rolling time!
And the amazing part is that- all the women who work there (sex workers) are there because they LOVE sex and enjoyed being paid for doing what they love. They live together like a big family of sisters, shared giggles over men, exchanging sex tips and travel during their off days.

Clients can pick their desired choice from the buffet line of women and sex workers can accept or reject clients according to their own whims. For the sex workers’ protection, clients are to be screened for sex diseases before- only allowed to proceed after they proven to be negative.

I suppose that’s what we meant by having a perfect job. *Grasps*
Interested to work there? Just fill in the online form, send in your best/sexist/nude photograph at http://www.bunnyranch.net/main.php and the Ranch will contact you for interview shortly.

After reading Flesh and Thorns, Lynn commented that I should be writing about Sex Tourism for our final year thesis. Yeah. Maybe I should. Philosophizing about Gay tourism didn’t get me much points.. *Arrggh..
Lynn’s brother asked if I have been driven to prostitution before- why the heck I am so bitter about the whole thing?

Well, I am writing that entry with such gusto- not out of revulsion for the ancient barter trade. But rather, in deep sympathy for unwilling sex workers.

Maybe Dennis Hof is right. By legalizing prostitution, women will be better protected.

But Mr Hof, any idea how are we going to cope with the new set of problems - the morality issues. Like young girls turning casually to sex trade for fast cash to fulfill materialistic needs. Like a new world that is heavily laced with suspiciousness and sleaziness. Just like in “Dogville”

In the movie <Dogville>, Nicole Kidman was held captive in a small village to be a sex slave for the men folks. Women in the village treated her with malice and venom. Guys paid her no respect. The once peaceful village became a nightmarish, hostile place to be alive in.

But then again, there could never be a definite right or wrong on anything. How many times are we challenged in the steadfast rules and acquired knowledge? Even though we affirm that they are so positively righteous and reasonable, there’s bound to be some happenings along the way that shake the foundation of beliefs and perceptions.

Will legalized prostitution be a positive impact? For the society? In the name of morals? Or simply for men’s easy access to sex?

Short note

I feel like Fuck..
Fuck- not the action verb- but as an adjective.

Have skimmed through a friend's blog which eventually led me to some mutual friends' blogs.. some polymates'.

Felt so left out of the whole thing. I regretted not making use of my poly years to get to know my mates better. All I have been doing- was just burrowing myself in studies and bracing for the freaky long journeys back home. Wenting said that she disliked the sight of me back then- cos I seem soo arrogant and proud..

Anyway, Gotta head out for Esplanade now.. Dear old Melyvn treatin me to one of the Mosaic performances..

Will hit my blog later..

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Before time runs out

Feeling totally wretched about my overseas studies plan. There are tons of feedbacks from people around me. Some are superbly encouraging while the disheartening ones get stuck in that pessimistic part of my brain.

Those down to earth will tell me that I am of certain age- I should be thinking about settling down with a stable job, starting a family and such…. Instead of carrying such a heavy financial burden for 10 years.

They could be right. After all, blissful marriages, filial children and carefree retirements are the ultimate goals we seek in life. I could almost feel ashamed that I am NOT even thinking about these at all, like a normal woman should.

But please do give me a break. I don’t think I can stomach such nice little life.

To begin with- where is my to-be husband?

Should I let my hard-earned Dip with Merit go to waste? I have slogged and fought hard to keep my grades to Distinctions- not because I need to get a good husband. I simply want to do the best in this path I have chosen.

A curious little woman I am, who wants to see the World. Not contented with just one small fraction of the World~ The mini but mighty Singapore…. Give the World to meee, Baby! Yaah!.
For clarification, I am not even aiming to be a CEO or whatsoever. Those high flyers’ politics games are too complex and disturbing for my simple self.

All I wanted is a career that I am proud of. That brings me to exciting new heights of life constantly! I just can’t be stuck in a monotone pace of life... Blame it on my star sign, Gemini

I am truly not easily satisfied. So much so that I want to toughen and excite myself for the challenges ahead~ by living it out in a foreign land.
Ok.. I must admit I am currently begging Ethan and Gerald to take leave and accompany me to Australia for a brotherly morale support- Now that Lynn is most likely to stay in Singapore..

Of course the humongous debt did faze my determination; in fact the whole financial aspect is pulling me under. Days after days, I tried to speculate the risk I am going to take- that I’m getting a bit grouchy now.

The more I think about it.. the further Brisbane stays away from me.

So many times, that we find ourselves trapped in situations that a final decision is to be made. You falter and fret; counting the sleepless nights that refuse to let you forget about the issue on hand. We are scared. Petrified of failures. Apprehensive of the future that we can’t see. Totally unwilling to make a fool of ourselves for wasting an ounce of the precious time. We fear about the consequences that follow after a personal decision has been made.

But fear is inevitable in our life. It is present all the time, irritating but very much indispensable. It is the only thing that keeps us on our toes and not taking things for granted. We fear that we will end up penniless, thus we move our lazy bums and seek jobs. We fear that no one will love us, thus we pick up the courage and seek love.

Fear gives us the courage to take risks.

Gerald once asked me in front of a group of old pals at a belated Christmas cum housewarming party-

“Qiaohui, what are you most afraid of?”

I took the question a tad more serious than expected and answered:
“That people will look down on me. That I’m not as good as they have thought.”

The party fell in discomfited silence and Gerald broke it by announcing that he was afraid of flying cockroaches.

But I’m not ashamed to admit it.

A close friend once said that I did things ever so enthusiastically; only to give up halfway when it is no longer fun or new. He held his perception of me in line with the assumption that I would not be going permanently with that plan to study in Poly- I’ll give up studying eventually.

Feeling dignified, wronged and challenged, I did the best I could. Eventually, I graduated with flying colors.

Few donkey years ago, someone offered his few cents worth of advice to me.
“Ash, you can never make it in the service industry. You are not cut out for it at all.”
One year later, I became the youngest hotelier to be awarded with the highest score of performance appraisal in Grand Hyatt.

Fear of not living up to own and people’s expectations has always been the driving force behind my life. Now, guess you should be able to appreciate more why I am not going to be a normal woman going thru the average life cycle.

I just want to keep trying.
To attain what I sought for.
A fuller life. Before time runs out on me.