Past

There he was.
Looking exactly the same since the day he left me clutching my chest, withholding the terrible pain within.

This wasn’t what I wanted for this much-anticipated encounter. At least not in an unflattering Motorola Jersey and haggard, oily face, haggling over the phone with my supplier while looking very much lost in Raffles City ~trying to find my way to the bus stop.

Call me pathetic but at least I am bold enough to admit that I wanted him to see me in a radiant glow with a confident stride across his path. Sending the message of ‘I’m doing great, superb, uber excellent without you- in my life.’

I am not being hung up on him. Definitely not.
Hell it is so Not.

For some reasons, when I turned and faced the greatest disappointment of my life, there was a phony smile plastered on my face, irritation clouded with disgust filled my head. As we struggled to make polite niceties, I can’t help but wonder how could I even allow this guy break me down? How could I even allow myself to be pleasant to a guy who had betrayed our relationship and claimed that he was actually leaving me for the God?

It was only then, realization dawn upon me.
I have been despising him. And I have yet to forgive him.

Is it okay for me to remain loathing someone who hurt me deeply; yet his leaving turned out to be one of the best things that can ever happened to me?

Cos without him by my side, I have flew higher and shone brighter than ever.
I have the fortune of experiencing the sweetest and generous love that Az had showered me with.
I explored the world without a worry.
And I was released from his unsettling problems, which have suffocated me for 2 years.
And I learnt that most awful things that happened, they are here for a reason and it usually turns into our favor ultimately.

I guess you might be thinking that~ Ash, in that case, you should open your heart and accept him as a friend again.

Nah, I can’t. It is too tiring and mentally straining to forgive. Keeping him out of my sight and life is much easier.