Musing

A decade ago, when ‘She’s my Steady’, being spotted with a sharp comb at your back pocket and Sonia Rykel quilt-lookalike bags were still in raging trend, I tasted my first fleeting love with a notorious ah beng who played his guitar at the basketball court, with a ciggie tucked at the corner of his mouth.

Then, followed by an Ah beng-wannabe boyfriend who got my pager numbers from God knows who. It was a rocket relationship - literally~ After 2 days of talking over the phone, he asked me to be his Steady and I agreed.

The next day, we had our 1st date~ which I remembered that rush of blood up my veins, that excitement. I didn’t stop to think about my own silly actions~ Meeting a stranger, my supposed boyfriend for the ever 1st time? Obviously, taking time to love someone was not top on the list for a 16 years old teenage girl..

Cos all she wanted was to take any possible chance to attain the pleasure of being loved.

It started swift and ended fast. I broke up with him the next day with the universal excuse ‘we are not suitable for each other’. The truth was- I was terrified of his pimply face, that awful moment when he tried to give me a goodbye peck and the fact that he was utterly possessive- he got into staring war with a boy who bumped into me, accidently.

This was not the only silly thing I have done in the course of my teenage years. Well, like what my dear old friends will said~ 'Not surprisingly, with that impulsive character you have!"
Many other disastrous affairs followed after~ even to a certain extent of immorality - which was best left unsaid.

When we were a bunch of impressionable teenagers, there were endless sessions, talking about the Boys and 'oh, my heart break' tales. And we have agreed that only the Man can give you that ultimate L.O.V.E. Friends were good as listening ears, girly companionship and bitching partners. Family was only there to control and chide you. Never, could they show you the way to the most sacred, holiest Love.

What an inane thinking… Feel like kicking my own ass...

So here am I sitting here, reflecting about Love. Do we need a partner for it?

Here in Gold Coast, I found a new side of me… which I never knew exists (And words don't explain exactly how I feel).

And being away from the home environment gives me the space to think. It seemed that when you stood far away enough, you will be able to see things with such clarity.

Ironical it may sound- Everything looks so wholesome and beautiful. I felt my family’s love more than ever. Vodka looks increasingly huggable beautiful. Gerald seems less annoying with that occasional sweet smses; Ethan’s warm and caring side shines more brightly than ever; Vinz’s ability to brighten my day is unbelievable amazing; Dan seems much composed and understanding; Lynn has been so patient with my rambling about Aussie life..... etc…

We can safely concluded that family and friends are the most reliable source of love that you can find, in the whole wide world.

So.. with all the love I can get.. who need a full-time boyfriend?

Deplorably, the mindset of 'Everyone need their soulmate' was cultivated far from the history~ it was so deeply impregnable.... that I can't help but feel a sense of emptiness within.
And just like a little girl on a Christmas eve, I can't wait to take a peek at the future Him...

Oh.. FYI: My life with dearest roomie, Wenting has been great. We are practically a pair of Lesbos twin terrors of the 'mEOw’… ~Muahahahahaha